


Patrick's Guide to Solis the Phoenix

by Aubrie1234



Series: Madness Men [2]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 20:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14197338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aubrie1234/pseuds/Aubrie1234
Summary: Underneath the penned words in sharpie was: A.K.A. The Bitchiest Bird To Ever Exist (Who Also Hates Pete)





	Patrick's Guide to Solis the Phoenix

**Author's Note:**

> This is the side-story to Of Kings and Queens, which is set between it and the sequel that I'm writing right now. Originally it was going to be split into chapters, but since they came out so short, I decided to leave this as a oneshot. The story is basically Patrick's journal and the bold is Pete adding his commentary to the book. The examples aren't actually in the guide, just some visuals I added to help you imagine the scenes.

Dear Whoever Is Reading This,

Hello, and welcome to my guide about my new friend! I can't tell you how she came into my possession, but I made this guide just in case I'm not there to take care of her. And don't worry, I _know_ that she kisses up to me, but I find I can't bring myself to punish her for being mean to everyone else. Anyway, I'll tell you guys as much as I can on how to deal with Solis, though it's going to be a bit of a trip, seeing as this is from my perspective. I hope you can survive.

* * *

**Dear You Poor Bastard,**

**Patrick wrote this guide to help you get along, but I'm putting comments in to show you that Solis is a bitch and hates everyone except him and Percival. Who's Percival? Sorry, can't tell you. But I know Solis is evil because she hates me the most. She's burned my hands and done a lot of other things that will be addressed in this book. My 'interactions' with the bitchy phoenix are the reasons why Patrick wrote this, just so we could get along, but fuck that! Anyway, like Pat said, let's hope you survive.**

* * *

Chapter 1: She's Stubborn **(And A Bitch)**

Solis is as stubborn as stubborn can be, even moreso than a mule. And unless you're me, she won't listen to a thing you say. She's prideful, too, so you'll need to do something to convince her you're worthy. I suggest giving her something to eat, such as a small rodent or bird, but don't give her magpies. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, _DON'T GIVE HER MAGPIES_. I can't explain, but just _don't_ _do it_! Her favorite food is, surprisingly, Peregrine Falcon. Good luck in trying to find some legally, since they're an endangered species in the U.S. The only way I know she likes Peregrine Falcon is when we went to Chicago to visit family, she ate a few while we were there. But, if you do get her her favorite food, she will love you until she gets hungry again. Joe learned that the hard way (and now has short hair).

Also, whatever you do, _do not force her to do something_. If you do, she will burn you and show you why she can't be ordered around. She even gives Andy the evil eye if he takes her someplace she doesn't want to be, and seeing as she can burn someone to death, he knows to put her back. It also doesn't help that she knows he's a pacifist and won't fight her if she decides to claw his eyes out.

My point is, find a way to convince Solis that you're worthy and do what she wants, otherwise she won't like you one bit.

* * *

**What Patrick DIDN'T mention was that Solis is a complete bitch and will turn her back on you as soon as look at you. Prideful my ass, she's PURE EVIL! But the magpie thing is true. I wanted to get her on my side and gave her a magpie. The results were...'unpleasant,' as Patrick told me. I can't tell you what happened because I don't know (I was dead asleep at the time), but just be careful around her and with what you feed her. In fact, if you want to take my advice, either don't take care of her at all or trap her in her cage and throw her off a cliff (preferably into the ocean). But, if you can't do either, sucks to be you.**

* * *

_ Example 1: The Magpie Incident _

Patrick was sitting at the dining table of the hotel room he was sharing with Pete. FOB and MCR had just finished the Asian leg of their tour and were stopped in Alaska, where they would work their way through Canada, then the U.S., Mexico, and South America and go on to Australia for the next leg. After that, they would stop a few times in different Asian countries on their way to Africa, where they would finish by going all over Europe and ending near Four Corners. Patrick shivered at the thought of the castle, causing Solis to coo and nudge against him.

She was sitting on the table, her wing set and bandaged. She had been taken to the same vet Frank usually called for his various dogs, and said vet promised to keep the phoenix a secret as he fixed her wing. That had been a few weeks ago and she was due for another visit soon to check how her wing was healing. Both of them looked up when the hotel door opened and Pete came in, yawning.

“How long did you stay out?” Patrick questioned, raising an eyebrow, “Were you out all night?”

“Yeah.” Pete gave a sleepy nod, “I wanted to get Solis a present to show her that I'm as good a guy as you.” Pete put a box on the table, “I hope you like it, girl.” He then went off to bed while Patrick rolled his eyes and opened the box. They looked inside and saw a dead magpie. Patrick's nose scrunched up at the smell, but Solis didn't seem to mind it, taking a few bites of the magpie. She shrugged, probably finding it not too bad, and turned the box on its side so she could get to the rest of it.

“Urgh, I wish you could fly off and take that with you.” Patrick, being the innocent soul he was, turned away so that he wouldn't have to watch. But, several minutes later, Patrick found that the magpie wasn't sitting well with Solis' stomach. Even her usually orange-yellow feathers looked a little pale and/or green and the singer knew he was in for it, whatever 'it' was, and he was going to kill Pete for accidentally making Solis sick.

* * *

Chapter 2: She's A Flaunter **(And Proud Of It)**

As stated in the last chapter, Solis is prideful and knows it. She tends to flaunt around, showing herself off or whatever she manages to catch, with such pride I'm sure it's not healthy. But if you try to take her down a notch, she'll make things _very_ unpleasant for you until you apologize. Trust me, you DO NOT want to do this. Frank nearly lost a finger when he tried to get her to stop! But it won't stop there, either, she will not only go after you physically but will also take your things. This caused what is known as the 'War of the Poison Flames' (as stated by Gerard) between her and Frank before stopping a few weeks after it began, but not without the casualties of our clothes and some belongings.

My point is, don't try to make Solis feel less prideful. It hurts _everyone_ if you do that.

* * *

**Well, can't say Lunchbox is wrong. Solis is one of the proudest animals I've ever seen and is even prouder than some people I know. But yeah, trying to take her down a notch is NOT a good idea. Oh, and she won't just target the guy who's trying to get her pride to lower, she'll take things that belong to people close to her attacker, too. You have no idea how many times I found Mikey's glasses in her nest and she also tore out a few blank pages from Gerard's notebooks (getting a _bit_ too close to the drawings, which pissed him off), not to mention stealing Ray's and Joe's hairbrushes, Bob's drumsticks, Andy's sunglasses, and so on. If Hemingway was on this tour with us, he'd make her stop...**

**But anyway, I agree with Pat. Solis is a prideful bitch and making her feel bad hurts everyone around her attacker and the attacker themselves.**

* * *

_ Example 2: The War of the Poison Flames _

It had been almost a month since Frank had managed to take the phoenix down a notch by embarrassing her and things were not going well. His guitar picks were going missing, as well as everyone's stuff and clothes, and whenever he accidentally got too close to Solis, she would attack him, regardless of her hurt wing. She had almost taken off the finger that had the 'll' of _Halloween_ when he had gotten close the first time and now Frank tried to avoid her. The bands suspected that she was somehow stealing their things, but no one had proof except when they found said things in her cage (or, in the case of clothes, sometimes slightly, moderately, or completely burnt). Plus, they couldn't outright accuse her or Patrick would get mad, defend her (even though he knew as well as they did that she was behind this), and then not talk to them for several hours. All in all, it was hell.

The guitarist looked up from tuning his instrument when he heard an angry screech that could only be caused by Gerard. His best friend stormed onto the bus, fuming and holding his sketchbook under one arm. Everyone hated it when Gerard got mad, and not just for the obvious reasons. After what had happened at Four Corners, the man had become a bit distant and more anger-prone, though he tried not to be, and his anger reminded the bands of Gervasius. Even though the mad king was in Hell, he certainly wasn't leaving them alone and they all knew it.

“This has got to stop.” Gerard growled, glaring at Frank, “I've had it with finding more and more pages torn out of my notebooks! She might as well be tearing out the drawings instead!”

“Why should I give her the satisfaction?” Frank frowned.

“You know this is a war _you_ started and she's not going to give up.” Gerard pointed out, “It'd be better for everyone if you just say sorry.” Frank snorted.

“Yeah right. I'll say that as soon as say that I hate dogs.” Gerard sighed and put a hand to his forehead.

“What will it take to make you say sorry and end this?” he asked, “If you need something from me or the other guys, we'll do it. We just want this to fucking _end_ already!” Frank strummed his guitar as he thought.

“Anything?”

“Yeah, sure, anything.” Gerard crossed his arms, notebook still tucked under an arm.

“Then I'll do it only if you let us get close to you again.” Frank put his guitar aside, “Dude, everyone knows that Four Corners is bothering you, hasn't left you alone since we left, but there's not need to push us away.”

“I haven't-”

“You won't even let _Mikey_ get near you after you've had a nightmare. We just want to help.” Gerard hadn't been sleeping well, Frank could see the bags under his eyes, and MCR heard his cries in the night. The singer had barely gotten any sleep since they had left the haunted castle and not a night went by without him having a nightmare, but he didn't allow anyone to comfort him. He would keep his bunk closed off until morning, and he eventually moved into the recording studio in the back of the bus, locking it so no one would enter. It was supposed to be soundproof, but it seemed that even the walls couldn't completely muffle his cries. But Gerard didn't know that and Frank wasn't going to tell him, he didn't want to put any more weight onto his best friend.

“...And you won't make Solis stop unless I do this?” Gerard slowly uncrossed his arms, eyes hard as he held the notebook in both hands. He was gripping it tightly, as if putting all of his worry/anger into it.

“No.” Frank said firmly.

“...Fine.” Gerard said softly, sounding defeated, “But take care of her first, will you? I don't want my drawings to be made into nesting supplies.” Frank nodded and stood up, walking past Gerard. Hopefully the red-haired man would finally let them in again. The way Gerard had held himself since they left Four Corners reminded Frank too much of certain times in his life, such as Gee's alcohol problems and the Paramour, and he knew he had to make the singer feel better again.

Briefly, Frank wondered if something else had happened to Gerard in Four Corners that he and the bands didn't know about. The elder Way was hiding secrets, but could one of them be huge enough to make Gerard stay away from them? Frank hoped that they could fix him to a point where he wasn't as broken, because Frank knew there was no way to repair Gerard back to the state he was in before. Gervasius had made sure of that.

* * *

Chapter 3: She's Warm and Cuddly **(And Will Burn Your Hands)**

Solis, being a phoenix, is as warm as could be. In fact, she stays warm all the time, so you know something's wrong if she starts getting cooler.If you manage to befriend her enough that she allows you to carry her, then you can feel her warmth and possibly even cuddle her. She doesn't like her personal space to be invaded, but if you complement or flatter her, she will tolerate it for a while. Just don't be too close if you get her angry, for she'll light herself on fire. This also counts towards if you pull out a feather or two, because it apparently hurts A LOT. Even if it's an accident.

Point is, calm her down enough to let you near her and she will warm you up as if you're standing near a fireplace without the prospect of burning yourself. Unless you get her mad, of course.

* * *

**She can also burn your hands off, too. I've been burned I don't know how many times after I pick her up and I swear she's trying to destroy Fall Out Boy. I can still play bass, but it hurts like nothing you can imagine, so Mikey's been substituting for me at times. And, right before she burns you, she always gives you this look that makes you feel like you're about to be in deep shit, which is _exactly_ what happens. I'd like to see the look on her face if I grab a bucket full of cold water before she does that...**

**All in all, I HATE THAT PHOENIX!**

* * *

_ Example 3: A Cold Alaskan Night... _

Solis trilled softly as Patrick raked his hands through her feathers. Around them were the bands and all the humans were wrapped up in warm clothing. They still had a few days before they could leave Alaska and head to Canada, but until they got to the U.S., they knew it was going to be freezing. That was why they were now sharing room on the FOB bus for the night, warming up with Solis. Pete, however, wasn't getting as much warmth from her because he was staying away in case she tried something. He swore she hated him, even if Patrick translated that she said otherwise.

“Get a little closer, dude.” Mikey said, sitting beside the other bassist in his bunk, “It's freezing over here.”

“You know what she'll do if I do!”

“Solis may be a bitch, but I doubt she'll let you freeze.” Mikey deadpanned. Seeing that Pete wasn't going to closer, the younger Way rolled his eyes, grabbed Pete's arm, and dragged him into the small huddle. Mikey had his brother and Frank scoot over enough for Pete and himself to fit on the couch, and even though it was a bit of a tight fit, at least they were all warm.

“About time.” Patrick gave Pete a glare, knowing exactly what his friend had been doing. He would have forced Solis into Pete's hands if he didn't know that the others would whine about not having the warmth, not to mention the 'relationship' the two had. The rest of the night went by smoothly with the men all falling asleep in the cramped space of the tiny living room on the FOB bus, not wanting to leave the warmth.

* * *

Chapter 4: She Hates Water **(Which Helps Keep Her Away)**

Solis is a phoenix, which makes it understandable that she hates water. She won't even stand it if I have to give her a bath, and I'm the only one she tolerates! It's the only thing that can put out her flames, too. Not even a fire extinguisher works when she's on fire, trust me, I've tried. It also takes a lot of water to put her out, like sticking her in a tub of water of using a water hose. But she also needs her baths and it takes a lot of convincing to make her work with you, and even then it doesn't work most of the time. So, be ready with the hose and to catch her when she falls out of the sky. She will reignite as soon as her feathers dry, so keep her as wet as you can until you're done. After words, place her in her cage and lock it untuil she calms down, which will take an hour or two.

It's not good advice, but it's the best I can give at the moment. Just be careful when you do it, for she will hate you for _days_.

* * *

**I love this part of the guide because even Pat can't cover up how bitchy Solis can be when she's wet! I always like to be the one with the hose, soaking her until she can't fly anymore. But I leave her to be bitchy to Patrick because I don't want to see her wrath. I help Lunchbox feel better later, though, because I don't want to let him think that I would willingly let him get chewed out.**

**As it is, I have no other input except to laugh. HAHAHAHAHAHA!**

* * *

_ Example 4: Cue The Waterworks _

Patrick pulled on his fireproof gloves as Pete readied the hose. It was time for Solis' monthly bath (as Percival instructed) and it was the part Patrick always hated. He loved the fiery bird as much as the rest of his family, but there were some aspects that he didn't like, such as the bath. Even though they had done it once before, Solis hated getting a bath. She was proving that rightnow by sitting in a tree, away from everyone, fire burning brightly like a star. She was protecting herself, but also making herself a bigger target.

“How do you think this is going to end?” Bob questioned. He, Andy, Joe, and Ray were sitting on the sidelines, watching as Patrick and Pete prepared to catch and wash Solis.

“Badly.” said Andy.

“We saw the first time.” Joe added, “Solis didn't let them get close to her for three days, just staying with you guys until Patrick apologized.”

“So that's why we saw her on our bus a lot those three days.” Ray mentioned, “I'm guessing the same thing is going to happen here?”

“Probably.” Andy agreed. They looked up as they heard the water flow from the hose and hit Solis, who screeched as she tried to keep on the branch. After a few moments, she fell to the ground, where Patrick caught her and the two friends worked to keep her wet while Patrick began washing her with some soap. She squawked and fought the whole time, even with her hurt wing, which Patrick tried to keep from moving.

“You're making it worse!” he tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen, pecking st the hand that held her.

Once all was said and done, he had to wait until she calmed down before he could reset her wing again, since the brace had burned away because of her flames.

* * *

Chapter 5: She Loves Children **(Despite Her Attitude)**

Solis is a softie for children, which may be the only all-around good thing about her in this guide. She loves Declan, Bandit, Bronx, Saint... Any child that comes near her instantly gets a soft coo and a cuddle from her, which is more than she ever gives any adults except me. Declan even got a feather from her, showing how much she loves him. And it apparently gives off its own ink or something, since he can write with it. I hate to say this, but I find I've become jealous of my own son over a phoenix's affection.

Besides the jealousy, she's actually good at watching over them. No matter what happens, she keeps an eye on them and even acts as Declan's guardian while Eliza and I are asleep. I remember this one time during tour, where all our kids were together on a playdate, and she watched over them like a mother. For that, I will always be grateful to her, even if we fight sometimes.

* * *

**I agree with Patrick on this one, no doubt. Solis is great with kids and will protect them with her life, like she did to Bronx and Saint. She may seem horrible, but she's actually pretty sweet around kids and really will protect them with her life on the line. What Pat didn't tell you about the playdate was that our hotel room was being robbed that night and Solis defended the kids, who had been right near the bad guys when things happened.**

**All of us owe Solis our gratitude and the lives of our children. That much is certain, even though I hate her in some aspects.**

* * *

_ Example 5: Ms. Nightlight _

Solis rested on her branch, set up in the room where the young boys were staying. The girls had their own room across the hall and everyone except the phoenix was asleep. It had been a surprise visit for everyone earlier that day with the children appearing two months after the 'adventure' in Siberia, but Solis saw how happy it made the men. Their faces lit up in a way she had never seen when they got to see their kids and their wives again and it made her wonder what it would be like to have someone of her own to love. Besides, she liked children and they seemed to like her, too. Especially Declan, and she didn't see why not, since he was Patrick's son.

She lifted her head when she heard something in the hall, something that didn't sound right in the smallness of the hotel room. There was some whispering and shuffling. She didn't think anyone would be up at this time of night, not even the women, so she wondered what was going on. She adjusted her self, turning around so she was facing the door, and heard the whispers pause. They must have seen her light under the door, since she still softly glowed in the dark without her flames. This caused her to narrow her eyes, since no one she knew was scared of her light. She knew Patrick had said endlessly to let her wing rest, but with what was going on, she couldn't do that. Opening her wings and lighting herself on fire, letting the bindings burn away from her wing, she prepared to give whoever was on the other side of the door a big surprise.

With a cry, she launched herself at the unlocked door, swinging it open to reveal herself to two unknown men. She chased them out of the rented room as lights flashed on and stayed hovering at the broken door to the hallway, making sure they didn't come back. And when everyone was calming the kids down and she was sure the other men were gone, Solis told Patrick what happened. She rested on the couch, one eye on the kids as they calmed down and the adults around her. Her wing was now fully healed and hopefully correctly, seeing as there was no more pain.

“...Thank you.” Gerard said at last, and there were no more words.

* * *

Well, this is the end. I know it's not much, but this is as much as I know right now. It's incomplete, but that's okay. There's still a lot I need to learn about Solis, and not just me. She and Pete really don't like each other, she trusts almost no one, and I can understand that. She and Pete kicked off on the wrong foot or something, and she just came back to a world that she hadn't seen in a millenium. She doesn't know what to do and she has to rely on us, people she barely knows that saved her skin, so it's understandable. I'd not like someone too if I didn't know them that well and I had to rely on them to help me with things, since it kind of happened to me in the beginning of Fall Out Boy. I know how she feels, in a way, so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Also, things can change. I can update this guide as things happen, since there's no way I'm publishing it (who'd believe a phoenix exists, huh?), and Solis can change. Hopefully things change for the better, because I don't know how much longer I can take this Pete/Solis hate-very large dislike (as Solis puts it) relationship. But I hope this guide is helpful to the poor guy who has to take care of her when I'm not here. Sucks to be you, whoever you are.

* * *

**I can understand a bit of what Patrick's saying on why she doesn't trust anyone, but we didn't hit off on the wrong foot. SHE HATES ME. I know that and it's as true as can _fucking_ be! Damn 'benefit of the doubt,' she's a menace. But anyway, I feel sorry for you, you poor bastard, if you're reading this with no idea what to do while Solis lights your house on fire because she's being a complete bitch. Good luck in trying to pawn her off on someone else!**

**Author's Note:**

> In Of Kings and Queens, for the epilogue, I mentioned that one loose end hadn't been tied up. The damage to Gerard was that one loose end and it's going to continue on to the sequel, which is why it's sort of addressed here.
> 
> I don't know when the sequel will be up yet, but I can say that there will be more ghosts and the kings (even Gervasius) will return. That's all I've giving to keep you in suspense, Youngbloods and Killjoys. See you soon!


End file.
